My First Love, a Friend and a ‘Hate at First Sight’

 

First Love

It was love at first sight.

I remember meeting him for the first time as if it happened yesterday. It was by the lifts at my student halls.

As the lift doors opened, I caught a glimpse of his stunning, big, blue eyes and that was the end.

The end of my single life. I was hooked. We exchanged numbers and to my surprise, his room was directly below mine. (I should’ve known then that we weren’t on the same level)

The first date was very awkward. I was nervous, I almost stood him up. In retrospect, perhaps it was my instinct telling me not to entertain him but I went anyway. The dates that followed after were full of excitement and nervousness.

Our first kiss was special. It was overlooking a grand view of the city. We made it official shortly after that.

We followed the textbook to dating and it took months before we got intimate. So why did it end so badly?

Anger issues that’s what ended it. He had an unresolved bad temper stemming from his childhood that he couldn’t and didn’t want to face despite my support and encouragement to seek help.

Our relationship took a nosedive after a bad judgement from his father by hitting me. He took his father’s side even though I didn’t do anything wrong. And the icing on the cake was HE broke up with me!

The whole family had issues and I was caught in the middle of it all. Still, I was the one who was left feeling distraught, depressed and desolate.

I should have listened to my gut and stood him up instead when I had the chance. What I thought was love, at first sight, was in actual fact lust at first sight. It took me about a year to get over our four-year relationship. I could never take those four years back but I will take the lessons learnt.

Lessons: Early signs of a toxic relationship | Never let anyone harm you physically, mentally or emotionally | Mental strength conditioning | Character building |

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A Love Born Out Of Friendship

I have always been content with my own company. I thrive on being single. I never look for or chase after a relationship. I have always let things unfold naturally.

When this particular love came, I was taken aback. We were friends. Not just friends, we were best friends.

We spent months getting to know one another. He listened to all my dating mishaps, my worries and all my past mistakes.

It wasn’t until one night when we were about to go out for a night out, that I found out his deeper feelings for me. We were ‘pre-drinking’ at my old apartment as he lived near me but we never actually made it out to meet our friends at the bar.

Instead, we enjoyed each other’s company. Time stood still. The conversation flowed effortlessly like a waterfall. I thought none of it until he kissed me at 4 am after talking for hours about everything and anything.

What was worse was he had a long-distant girlfriend at the time. I felt disgusted with myself. How can I let myself do something unethical towards another human being?

I ceased communication with him for a few days and weeks that followed after that night.

I felt terrible.

Despite our efforts, we were pulled back to speaking again. I confronted him and told him we couldn’t be friends, especially after THAT, at least for a while.

It was a month later when I received a text from him.

‘Can we talk’?

I agreed and it was then that he told me that he ended things with his then-girlfriend. My heart melted. I was delighted.

We didn’t date. In fact, it was straight into a relationship. It felt natural and organic. I met his family and friends. I was fully invested in our future together. We both were. What went wrong with this one?

It was a holiday of a lifetime. We were in Cuba, absolutely loving life, I didn’t want it to end.

It wasn’t until I found out that he had been cheating. I felt sick to my stomach. I don’t even know why I felt that way, I should’ve known. ‘A leopard never changes its spots’. I didn’t think he could do this to me. I gave him the benefit of doubt and a clean slate. The holiday of a lifetime has been ruined. All the memories created have been tainted.

The only saving grace (if you could even call it that), was that I found out two days just before we were heading back home.

We tried to resuscitate our relationship back to life but the damage was done. The trust was broken and for me, that is my non-negotiable.

The pain of breaking up with him is something that I will not forget. I have always been the one that got dumped so I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end.

Dumping someone is so unpleasant beyond words could say. I still loved him at the time too. It broke my heart.

Lessons: Crossing the boundary beyond friendship comes with irreversible risks | Don’t be the other woman | Karma does come back around |

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Hate at First Sight

‘Who is this prick who thinks he knows it all?’

Those were my thoughts when I first met him. I didn’t get along well with him at the start. Apparently, he didn’t like me either. Perhaps we were both intimidated by each other.

I met him at work and I had to train him which made it even more cumbersome. I had to spend time with this prick.

A few weeks passed, and I found out how talented and clever he was. I slowly warmed to him. I think it was his charisma and I enjoy being in the company of highly intelligent people.

We soon became friends after finding out that we shared commonalities in pints of Moretti and hating our jobs. We spent Thursdays after work at a local pub to ‘catch up’ despite being sat right next to each other at work. We were practically joined at the hip yet we had so much to talk about.

I was in a relationship and so was he when we first met. When his relationship ended, I was keen on helping him find someone to be with. I even suggested he date our mutual friend.

‘You just need someone like me’ slipped out of my mouth. I had no idea where it came from but what I was trying to say was that I just want him to feel love. Feeling loved by someone special is the best feeling in the world and I wanted that for him.

It was after one work event (I know how cliche!), that we hooked up. He kissed me and I stopped him as I’d just realised what I was doing. I was in a failing relationship. But it felt so right, I didn’t want to stop kissing him, I was curious and wanted to explore those feelings.

We met up the next day after work at our favourite pub. ‘So, what was that about? That can’t happen again’.

No matter how much I denied and tried to bury my growing feelings, I was being pulled towards him. Like magnets.

A few weeks later we started dating. He asked me to be his girlfriend three times but it felt too soon. I’ve just ended things with my old flame. I ended up being the one asking him to be my boyfriend which I’d never done before. Hate turned into love.

Our relationship was like a heartwarming rom-com you watch on Netflix. We were dubbed the ‘power couple’ and a ‘good-looking couple’. I felt it too. I believed we were. We did everything with ease. We moved in together. We went on multiple holidays. In fact, one holiday included his parents too. Our lives were intertwined with each other. It was perfect, meant to be.

How did it end and why?

I still don’t know exactly. It ended when it was just getting started.

We rarely argued but it was after this one big bust-up that it was over. I tried to sort things between us. Even suggested couples therapy. Did everything I could to work things out. In the end, he chose to be single. I felt that he was heavily influenced by his friends.

Lessons: Trust your gut | Crossing the boundary beyond friendship comes with irreversible risks (again) | Unconditional love is love without conditions | Don’t rush into a relationship |

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Am I attracted to toxic people? Or is it me? After all, I am the common denominator out of all those loves.

At the time, it felt like I was a cursed child. That one friend who’s always getting into karmic relationships.

But after spending time in my own company, I realised that they came into my life to teach me valuable lessons about life and about myself. To grow and evolve into the woman that I desired to be — strong, loving and level-headed.

They also taught me the type of traits I want my future love to have — opposite to theirs.

Despite failed attempts in finding true love, I still believe in love. I love Love.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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