It is common that when people are looking for a new partner, they frequently seek someone who will complement them, or they picture themselves sharing their life with someone who is exactly the same as they are.
As a result, they try to portray themselves to their imagined future partner in the most favourable possible manner, either as a flawless individual component of a whole or as an idealized representation of what they believe their prospective partner will desire.
But if you want a lasting, loving relationship, you need to do things differently because most of the relationships that result from the above method are full of lies and pretend. Subsequently, the couple either live to endure themselves or breaks up eventually.
Dr Phil McGraw said in his book; Love Smart: Find the One You Want — Fix The One You Got, and I quote:
“To get where you want to go, you’re going to have to rewrite the script of your life and make yourself the star. And you have to define who you want to be your leading man. Then you’ll know exactly who you are and what you’re looking for.”
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In other words, the focus is not on the love you’re looking for but on you. So, if you want lasting love, start the search from the inside of you and not from the outside.
You may wonder how to go about it; that’s the essence of this article. So, keep reading, and I believe you would have known the ideal way to attract the right and lasting relationship by the time you finish reading.
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Life can be lonely and frustrating when we go through life alone, without a trusted person by our side; it seems dark and gloomy. We might wonder what we’re missing, and that would make us more appealing to a possible partner. This feeling of not being good enough makes us think we’ll never find real love, creating desperation. We all know that desperation does not produce a lasting relationship.
Good enough, there are ways to change your mindset and make yourself more open to love. Follow the 9 tips below to find true love without giving up what makes you special.
Do Something About You
Instead of trying to change yourself, you can find true love by looking inside yourself. You can only find the right partner if you know who you are and what you want from life.
Hence, spend time getting to know who you really are. This might require some deep thinking. Ultimately, you won’t have to change who you are to find genuine love when you have a healthy relationship with yourself.
What Do you Want?
As you are studying to understand yourself, write down what you’re looking for in a partner. Don’t just mindlessly follow this list to find a new partner. Instead, try to develop these traits in yourself.
If, for example, you want a creative and talented partner, go out and take a class or practice an instrument. Or you desire a particular virtue in your prospective partner, develop the same in yourself. That’s the way you will meet a like-minded person.
By the way, a like-minded person is not someone like you (like an introvert and introvert or extrovert and extrovert) but someone who shares the same interest you cherish.
In other words, like will always draw like, and It will be much easier for you to attract a like-minded partner if you know what you want and keep doing it.
Don’t Be Hard on Yourself
It’s normal to feel like you’re not good enough since you’ve been looking for a partner for a long time without getting a stable one. Try not to feel this way. Stop being mean to yourself because you’re alone. Stop thinking that others are better than you.
It is not wrong to know your limit and accept to grow up. However, negative self-talk is damaging, and you can never attract healthy love or relationship by so doing because your negativity will be evident to everyone.
Here is the way out, put yourself in the shoe of your prospect and imagine how you will feel when anyone is too critical of themselves. Hence, negativity will make you less attractive to someone who might want to date you.
Be Honest
Try not to hide the truth about who you are. Live your life by your own principles. Don’t try to change yourself to make yourself appear compelling or better. Let your prospect see and know you for whom you are without you knowing he sees you.
When you find the right partner, he or she will like you for who you are. But you might end up with the wrong person if you’re not original. Remember that your potential long-lasting love will accept you the way you are. Otherwise, he’s not the right one.
Be Vulnerable
It simply means to be open and willing to embrace risk for a good course. If you aren’t willing to try new things, you won’t be able to find true love. Get out there and try new things. Taking chances could help you find your true love. Accept what life offers you and embrace yourself. But do it all with authenticity. No faking!
Make Choices Carefully.
Be careful what you do if you meet someone special. New relationships are always exciting but can also make us lose sight of who we are. Don’t try to impress your partner unnecessarily. If you try to change yourself to fit what you think he or she wants, you will get into trouble in the long run.
True love doesn’t happen all at once like desire or obsession. It takes time to grow. Give the relationship some time, and then decide if it can last.
Stop The Search
When we spend too much time thinking about finding a partner, we lose sight of what’s really important. Stop trying to figure out how to find real love and start to believe in yourself.
When you stop trying to find a partner and give yourself to uncertainty, searching, and pursuing what you love and want out of life without the assurance of having someone by your side, not with the mind of showing I don’t care attitude. But with the mind of taking ownership of your life. You devote yourself wholeheartedly to what you enjoy, and as a result, you attract others who also enjoy the same things we do, care about what you prioritise and value all that you are.
Love Yourself
You can’t attract a healthy person if you hate, loathe and reject yourself. The reason is that your self-hate mindset will definitely reflect in all your relationships.
People who love themselves easily find people to love them. It is the secret behind healthy self-esteem. Note that there is a difference between self-love and selfishness. The former has to do with composure and coordination of yourself in a positive manner, and it also involves self-discipline. The latter is all about self-centeredness.
Be Happy
If you are not happy, satisfied and fulfilled as a single, I’m afraid to tell you that you can’t find it in your potential partner. An unhappy, unsatisfied and unfulfilled single person will be the same in any relationship. If you like, change your relationships more than ten times; you will not find happiness except you work on yourself and begin loving and accepting yourself.
Conclusion
To find love, you must show the world who you are. By getting in touch with your own needs and wants, you’ll be able to magnet the right person to you more easily.
Stop being hard on yourself. Don’t try to change who you are to fit in with a new partner; grow up by developing yourself. Therefore, instead of looking for love with a list of things you want in a partner, work on getting these things in yourself. If you are true to yourself, the right person who shares and value the same interest as you will be drawn to you.
Thanks for reading my piece.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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