Here’s Why You Fall in Love With a Specific Person

First date number one: Your date looks the part, fitting your ideal lover to a tee. Looks, check. Confidence, check. Height, check. Humour, check. Teeth, check. (yes, teeth are important. Like very.)

And still, nothing. No spark. In fact, all you can think of is cozying up on your couch.

First date number two: All of the above. (Bonus points for the fancy bow tie or the red bottom heel.) It’s hard not to notice their nervous streak but, you let it slide. Admittedly, your date isn’t one you’d typically go out with, but you pinch yourself at how much you’re enjoying it. So a second date is locked in.

A little background: Two good people but who hit you in extremely opposite ways. What gives? Rather than come up with assumptions, let’s get real facts, shall we?

. . .

The Chemical That Makes You Rip Off Each Other’s Clothes.

Researchers have now proven that a chemical called PEA phenylethylamine fuels that initial spark of attraction, arousing your sexual excitement and making you fall madly in love with someone. In her book, The Alchemy of Love and Lust, sex therapist Theresa Cranshaw calls PEA the “molecule of love.”

It would explain why your heart palpitates, hands go all sweaty, and the belly feels warm. Only PEA-brained people fall in love, making perfect sense why you fall for one guy over another — even when they both fit the description of your ideal lover.

In fact, it’s the PEA gush that makes people rip off each other’s clothes at the first available moment. That scene from the movies? It’s legit. However, this electric jolt of emotion doesn’t last forever. Sad, I know, which explains why people become “emotional junkies” — hopping from one person to another.

The good news is, this sensation can last long enough to jump-start a wonderful love affair. As Hellen Fisher, from Rutgers University writes:

Next time you hear someone say, “It was love at first sight.” Now you know why. Although the best way to put it is: Lust at first sight certainly exists. But love, at first sight, is the powerful emotion that unfolds after the event.

Speaking of event…

. . .

How the Love Spell Really Works.

Once in church, Conrad Hilton saw a red hat a few pews in front of him. After the service, he followed it and ended up hitched to the lady who was wearing it. We’ll never know why the red hat, and since we can’t ask Hilton (he’s busy watching the seeds of his dynasty grow), we can only speculate.

Perhaps he had great affection for his kindergarten teacher, who wore a red hat. Who knows?

The point is, the jolt of PEA you feel rushing through your brains is linked to a specific experience buried in your sexual subconscious. So when you see someone who possesses a trait, outfit, or mannerism that resembles that of someone you loved in the past, Boom! their spell captures you immediately.

I suspect love experts would say, “You fall for someone who matches your love maps.” But there’s no need to complicate things. We’re doing just fine. Let’s proceed. As Maryanne Fisher, author and psychologist, explains,

It was the red hat for Hilton. For some, it’s the whiff of a fragrance. For others, it’s the wrinkle on the nose. Anything really. Now the question you’re dying to ask: Can I trigger PEA emotions to give someone the sensation that they’re falling in love with me?

Drum rolls…. A resounding yes.

There’re several ways, like a slow smile and eye contact. But most importantly, your words and how you say them. Because far more important than what you say is how you say whatever you say. If you set out with a complaining tone, you can be sure there will be no jolt of PEA — or any jolt of anything.

Believe it or not, the sound and tone of your voice can make someone go bonkers for you. Also, how you dress, walk and sit. You can’t just walk out the door with your messy bedhead. It matters how you present yourself. From right here, I can hear guys saying, “Just be yourself, and the right person will come.” Is that right?

Let me help you a little bit. I’ve seen tonnes of people “be themselves” In fact, they’re still being themselves, and the magic of love hasn’t swept them off their feet. No one’s asking you to perform theatricals’ but, understand there’s a massive difference between being yourself and being the best version of yourself.

You know that.

You always know when you’ve not put your best foot forward when you’ve left some strings untied. That’s why we’re here, talking about this. If being yourself has worked, great. If it hasn’t, it’s time to do things differently.

. . .

All this to say: The reason you fall for one person and not the other comes down to the chemical PEA. If your date stimulates the production on PEA, then BLAM! The spell of attraction is cast and can morph into a full-blown romantic affair.

Isn’t it relieving to know you’re not entirely helpless in making someone fall for you? But let’s face it: Will you attract the first person you come across? No. But, you’ll increase their chances of falling for you. A few notches closer to love is an amazing thing.

Don’t you think?

—

This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

The post Here’s Why You Fall in Love With a Specific Person appeared first on The Good Men Project.